Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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