sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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