What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
