you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
high people should be assigned attendants
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
