tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
