That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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