If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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