I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
