I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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