Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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