Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
