I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
