i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
