I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
