2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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