I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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