Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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