all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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