I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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