My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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