Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
