Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
