Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and she was petting her beer can
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
