After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
