How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
