I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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