What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
