Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
