just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
