this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
