I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
