Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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