i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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