She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
