1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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