My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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