Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
