yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
