i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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