Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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