Got a toothbrush?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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