If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
