Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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