haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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