i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
