If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize