I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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