apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is wine microwaveable?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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