Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
