Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
