I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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