Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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