we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
