i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
