just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
