You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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