just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
