Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
