can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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