i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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