My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
