Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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