I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize