weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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