Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
