my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
