is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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