so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
