are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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