Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
