I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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