Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
