Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
