I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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