would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
