new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
