then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
