Just fell off a train. Bad.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
